Relationships these days come up with many layers. Being lazy, and less tolerant of relationship dynamics takes the relationship south. At the beginning of any relationship in this modern era, it becomes imperative to settle the monetary rhythm that will be one of the premises that one needs to audit and keep certain from time to time. In this day and age understanding each other’s savings habit and frugal inclinations and their relationship with money has become important.
“Many girls/women in India are lazy who just want well-earning boyfriends/husbands” said Sonali Kulkarni an Indian actress.
Relationships are made up of emotional bank accounts as well. No?! Is it transactional always?
In a marriage, there is always a primary breadwinner.
Feel it or ignore it you will know this for sure. In your house or around you this always happens. There is a primary caretaker. That is home. That feels like home.
Not the same dimes -
Income can never be equal if not bound to the same industry or in different circumstances. Now, for a partner who works in a business, it is very likely that a partner with a fixed income likely to be an employee can become a primary breadwinner. It is all about that!
How do you see money?
I am a very frugal lady myself. A man can be very frugal in his own way. For ex- Even if we earn alike he might not be very good at savings or investing or so. I frown at some men who have an insensible extravagant lifestyle. Now even if he might be a primary breadwinner his habits would worry me. Or my frugal-savings phenomena might shatter his mood. But look, that is how balance happens. Someone to restrict and contemplate on the decisions. Someone who might ask “Is getting that tuxedo urgent?” or “Is it important?”
How would you define happiness? That which can be gained through money only? Let me know.
Dating
A feeling of not being used or not being liable to do anything swells up in the psyche. Shall we go-dutch or shall I be okay to not even open my wallet and offer? The pressure of being a gentleman or a desire to be a gentleman. There are men who won’t pay for the pints of beer they have and pay for dining in together and there are men who don’t want another individual to pull their GPay out. Different strokes for different folks. Literally! Such a varied experience.
Willingness to pay - willingness to be transparent - willingness to show up
Expectations to pay - setting down expectations - rewards and expectations
Unfortunately, there isn’t a template to completely feel sorted in this department of relationships. From its start to the end, it is all about understanding what ticks for you and what can be compromised. Listen, but no resentment!
Shall we be ruthless in relationships or work towards building a grateful foundation rather than making everything transactional and ruthless?
Sometimes it is just a choice women make for the family to be someone who handles domestic stuff. A primary organizer at home. A primary emotional support system. A foundation.
Sometimes for many women, it is very difficult to happily receive. Females’ psychology and physiology are made to receive and create and be on the receiving end energetically. Men on the other side are the givers and as our ancestors say they are the protector. Just go around a man and ask him some stuff or advice or maybe a question related to tech stuff. That will light him up. Men find themselves in an element when they are protective. Of course, when these men turn into becoming a father to their daughters then the little girls would be having a very strict protective father.
For men working and being out there comes naturally. For women, souls craving to nurture the home as well as do wonders out there can become taxing if - there is no help. Help to look after the home and kids and everything. It is needed after all! Someone has to leg up another one and choose what works for the highest good.
Me right now in my mind -
pov- Here I am also seeking value in feeling great that I won’t demand the need to have his credit cards.
pov- My man is mine. Perhaps, he wants my hands to be in his pockets and __
I don’t know who my man is yet thou’
Let’s not find each other in the shackles of capitalist money narratives. Marriage shouldn’t have the foundation anchored in anything that works in conjunction with capitalism.
Anyways, sharing a few good resources -